Insomniatic Thoughts

May 3, 2008 at 1:44 am | Posted in Thoughts | 22 Comments
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Somehow tonight, I am really starting to feel my age. I am not one of those people who loathe and bemoan my existance of being a 20 something. I have always just accepted things as they came. I figured that it was just the process of life and that I am where I am, experiencing what I am experiencing, because that is the way it is suppossed to be. I honestly never really know what age I am. I will be in a group and someone will ask me how old I am, and I usually say the wrong age. I just can’t remember. I don’t hold birthdays in such high esteem and I don’t base my life and my self-worth or prowess on a number. Cause that is what it is just a number, right?

Tonight I feel as though my number may have caught up with me just a bit. I am feeling a little pushed into a grown-up world where things are harder, less clear, and unpredicatable. The things you take for granted when you are younger; like health, closeness of friends, and the dreams that you once aspired so hard to acheive seem to be slipping away more and more and no grasping or white knuckle gripping can slow it down.

Going head-first into true adulthood is scary. Levels and experiences change. People change. Curcumstances change. Expectations are left by the way-side. Dreams are put on hold, buried and forgotten or as we would all hope, achieved. How many of the lucky ones really achieve their dreams? And if they do achieve their dreams in one area do they feel as though they have slighted some other facet of their life in which they held great importance? Do they still feel guilty for putting another aspiration on hold? Do they always wonder if they made the right choice in choosing which dream to pursue?

I can speak from experience and say that, yes, I do. I do all of these things. No matter how successful I seem to feel in one area, that leaves another area that has been neglected and in a void. Those areas haunt me like the proverbial “nah nah nah nah nah nah you can’t get me” syndrome. The reminders of things pushed to the wayside for other hopes and dreams. What about those? I analyze, I second-guess, I worry, I fret.

Perhaps it is the over-achiever in me. The hope of having it all. Perhaps that is too much to ask of one life. Still, that is not a good excuse to those things still left lurking and unanswered. They still demand a reprieve.

Some people think I am too old to be at the place I am in my life. Others think I am to young to be at the place I am in my life. Really, what gives? If there is standard to live up to I am the last one to want to fit that mold, but how do you answer the questions of the others who think they have it figured out? When they inquire about this step or that step or where you are in the grand scheme? How do you answer that?

Some people feel as though I got married too young, failed to experience, made a quick decision. Others wonder why I don’t have 2.5 kids and a Graduate degree and the whole path of my life planned out. What is the happy medium?

I have friends and family at so many ends of the spectrum too. Friends with kids, friends who are married, friends who are in school full-time, friends who live with their parents, friends who have been self-sufficient for almost a decade.

At what point do we stop and realize, this is the day that I have been waiting for, planning for, hoping for? Today, I realized that if I had a viewfinder in the past to look at my life and see what I hoped it would be like, it most likely would look something very similar to what I am doing and experiencing now.

So, why can’t I bask in that? Why can’t I just sit and be at peace with the presence of my life – today?

I am trying to do that. This has caused a wake-up call. Well, that and a few other things.

Maybe it is time to stop taking life for granted, because it seems to be slipping by so fast.

20 Somethings

March 6, 2008 at 1:14 am | Posted in 20 Something Bloggers, Blogosphere | 3 Comments
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The 20 Something Bloggers Carnival Best (so far) of 2008 was recently posted at Sequins and Glitter. I promise you will find some blogs that you will want to read over and over.

They have some great reads including my favorites “Love In 2008” by Katie Scarlett and “A Letter to My Body” by Cooper.

I was even chosen (WHAT?!) to be included in the carnival for “A Piece of My Mind” I wrote back in February. It was a shocker to be included. You can find it under my Choice Posts page.

I am honored to even be on the same page as these two women and the other great bloggers that the 20SB carnival represents. If you are a blogger and a twenty-something come and join us!

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