Yesterday was my last day at my job. We will call it the end of an era. I am pretty sure that my tenure with that particular organization is now truly done. Hubby is very happy about that. It has been a rewarding road, but one that has truly taken a toll on my health and my well-being. I trudged on daily hoping that the small things I could do and give my families each day might make a difference in the lives of them and their children. I feel a responsibility to my co-workers. I feel guilty for leaving them with more than they could bear. We joked daily that the we, being the sane ones, were slowly being chipped away as we watched person after person slowly fade away.
I left yesterday feeling like I had done my best, tried my hardest, and honestly made a good-faith effort to make my time in the position meaningful and life-changing.
I have come to learn that I am yet again disappointed by the ability of other people to effect my happiness in my career. I have been struggling for a very long time to overcome my anxiety and my concerns in my job. There are things that really began to haunt my psyche on a daily basis. Being involved with and trying to work with people who are convincingly dishonest, flippantly uninvolved, and frightneningly manipulative finally took its toll on me.
I just simply could not do it anymore. I will no longer stand by as I see people misrepresented, misinformed, and mistreated. It feels so good to let go and just feel peace. I feel for many of my friends whom I have left behind. They are truly stuck. They are concerned with their own reputations and character being tarnished, they are worn-down by the work load given to them to make it lighter for one person, they are tired of picking up the pieces, and they are angered when they are witness to people being treated wrongly or not offered great service.
I am always amazed by people who work so hard to work so little. People who spend most of the day covering up and hiding and telling different stories to different people when just doing the job and doing it professionally and completely seems so much easier. I am amazed (and appalled) by a person who can look two different people in the eyes in a matter of minutes and tell two very different stories and convince them both. I am concerned for the people she will come into contact with for the rest of her life. Her path of destruction is growing wider each day, and she will not be corrected or deterred. Her ability to manipulate and coerce is uncanny, her lack of work ethic is saddening, and her ability to negatively effect so many is sickening.
Trust me, we tried to make it right. Many times we tried to fix it. The powers that be continue to choose blindness and mediocrity and stay uninvolved. It will come to a crashing halt and it will be heart breaking to those of us who tried desperately for so long to keep the sinking ship afloat.
I grew weary of the bailing process. It got the best of me. I threw in the bucket, the towel, and the paddle. I did keep my life preserver and I am floating away to better things and a life that is again my own and not filled with negative people, unethical behavior, and daily strife.
“Tomorrow is another day”
Scarlett, I made it! I have been looking forward to my tomorrow for so long, and it is here.
Good things are in store!
AHHHHHH. . . . .
Relief. . . . . . . .
Good things are in store. . . . . .
I am quitting my job. . . . . . .
To start something new. . . . . . .
I turned in my notice today. I cannot tell you the absolute peace and reassurance it brings me to be moving on. I know my families will be fine, my co-workers will be fine, and most importantly I will be fine.
My meeting yesterday went so great. New opportunities will be in store for me to begin in about a month. It is a life-long goal for me to do this and it will allow me so much more flexibility than my current job.
I am trusting that God is anticipating and knowing my needs even though I may be a little stubborn and not so willing to move.
Lesson learned: The hard way is not always the best way, even if you feel it is the most successful. Sometimes the right choice is the one that is right in front of you that seems too good to be true.
Learning to allow myself to be happy has always been foreign to me. Perhaps it is my servant attitude, which is not a bad thing, but sometimes it can become a little misguided. I am learning to put myself first because no one else is. Contrary to what my Momma told me, sometimes it is OK to think only of yourself. Especially if you never allow yourself that luxury.
Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers and emails. You guys are the best.
Tags: cars, transportation
All right people, I know you are sick of hearing about my car and transportation woes. Turst me I am sick of talking about it. I want to be free of all car woe material! Being that my car has let me down three times in the past seven days, (I refuse to count up the amount of times in the past three months because it would be too depressing) you would think that there was not possibly one more thing that could go wrong. I was with you in that line of thinking. I mean, really, hadn’t I paid my dues literally and figuratively?
Today the universe decided to throw another “let’s mess with her-she’s fun to make cry” get-together.
I had a flat tire. Not a low tire or a fixable leak. No, this was the kind of flat tire that resembled the slashing work of a seriously jilted ex-girlfriend Carrie Underwood style.
Of course I am nowhere near a source of air to pump the thing. I have to drive the car at least a mile down the road until I find a gas station. I know what you are thinking, “Big deal, just change the stupid tire.”
Obviously, if you said that you don’t know me at all. It is not a matter of will. I will do anything to save a few bucks. It is a matter of skill and materials people. Both of which I had none.
As I drove 15mph down the road the only thing louder than the sound of the Ker-thump Ker-thump that my rim was making as it bent with each rotation was the know-it-all sound of my own voice saying, “You must find a new job which either A) keeps you from relying on this piece of crap car B) pays you well enough to buy a new car and/or C) sufficiently compensate you for the hundreds of dollars in gas you use each month.
At that exact moment as I pull up to the gas station, gas has now gone up to $3.20 a gallon. Excellent.
Is the universe telling me something? I am starting to think it is.
I get out the Fix-U-Flat from my last, yet not so long ago, flat tire and proceed to fill the thing up. Next comes the air. No air would hold. None. Nada. Zilch. There goes .75 cents I will never see again. Yes, I am bitter about even that.
There was no hope. No hope at all.
Apparently I was in need of another rescue call. I begin calling. Daddy first because he tells me to from now on so he can call his Triple A and avoid another crazy towing bill. So, I did. “Where are you?” he asks. It took all I could muster within not to reply “At the intersection of Hades and Murphy’s Law, my own personal hell, my very own purgatory.” But, I didn’t and he came to my rescue. All the while I can’t believe how inept I feel being a 20 something grown woman in need of her Daddy. Shouldn’t his responsibility end at some point? But I digress.
The Triple A man comes and changes the tire to my donut and then off to the repair shop we go with the defunct tire.
Bad news ensues. Of course. Because of the exact location that the hole is the patch will not hold for longer than a few days. I must get a new tire or else continue to air it up every single day.
Allright, who do I make the check out to? Again.
But, they don’t have the correct size tire. Of course they don’t.They will have to order one. I have to drive “cautiously” for the next few days. That will be no different from the way I have been driving my clunky piece of crap car. I have had enough. It is time to be done with this car. Now to finding out a way to go about it.
So, long story short people I am in still in transportation limbo and at a loss as to the next step I need to take to get me out of car Hades.
Enough universe, move on.
It is raining here today. The kind of rain that won’t go away and is just enough to be annoying. It is not hard enough to cause a problem, just consistent enough so that you have to use your umbrella every time you go out no matter how much of an inconvenience it is.
Another fun thing to talk about. While driving to my first appointment this morning my windshield wiper decided to fly off of the driver’s side and curl back toward my window.
Excellent. In the pouring rain. Now I can’t see and I am on the interstate. My life is a joke.
I know what you are thinking. “You just got your car back. How is it possible for you to have another car issue?”
I like to think it is God’s little way of continually messing with me. Just a way for Him to say, “you are so not in control.” Well, I have a big brother who has given me enough trouble to last a lifetime. So, I don’t want to play this crazy game anymore! Move on to someone else!
New topic: Do you ever feel as if you are in a never-ending episode of “The Office?” I do. On a very disturbingly daily basis. For instance, today my lunch is almost over and I am still hungry. Why? Because someone stole my hummus. Yes, my hummus which I keep clearly labeled in the staff refrigerator. This would not bother me so much if I was not in such a financial constraint that I may not buy groceries again for a long time. If I was able I would buy me some more hummus. I get it. It takes a village, someone was hungry. I have to think that this person was so hungry and had not eaten all day and they are probably a single mother who works three jobs and can’t feed herself or her children, but something tells me that it was a very sneaky and annoying office neighbor who only works here to annoy me on a daily basis. We will call her “Meredith.” I can’t even go into her right now. She is way too complex!
Normally something like this would not bother me so much, but this is not the first thing that has disappeared.
The first time it was my salad dressing. Actually the Balsamic Vinaigrette spritz with like 5 calories a spritz or something like that. I noticed a while back that it seemed to be going way faster than I was using it. And then I caught her.
Random office mate was using my salad spritzer – without my permission. Everyday. I watched her. She knew it was mine. She never bothered to ask. She just helped herself.
Now being the introverted and non-confrontational person that I am, I let it slide. She used most of the spritzer and I never said a word. But, now it is my hummus and I won’t stand for it. There will be retribution if I find out who stole it! Now, I am the hungry one and I need my hummus!
I suddenly feel like Ross in the Turkey Sandwich episode of Friends when someone ate his beloved “day after Thanksgiving moist maker” sandwich and he was forced to be placed under administrative leave because he snapped and couldn’t pass his psychological exam. Yeah, I am pretty close to that.
This week needs to be over!