Yes, I am still alive.
Thank you all for asking. No, really, thank you for asking.
I know I have been so very absent as of late, and every now and then I would think, “I really need to update the old Blog” only to leave it for another day and yet, it would still go undone. I would rationalize it by saying, “Oh, its not a big deal, I don’t even know if anyone is still out there reading.” Then I get some really awesome emails, a few cards in the mail, and just in general “checking on you” tweets and I remember my other little world of support.
Nothing is really wrong or different. Life is just heavy. Do people still use that word? Somehow even typing that makes me feel like I should be wearing a poodle skirt and going to the soda shop with Marty McFly. There are a few people out there who will get that.
Anyway, I am just bogged down: work, life, people, frustrations, changes, stress. Pretty much everyone’s story. Expect that when things get hard for me I tend to clam up and hunker down and sort through. I am hoping this is the beginning of some light at the end of a tunnel.
So yeah, just heavy. Friends are hurting. Like every. single. person who is in my “core.” Ya know? They all have issues right now. Real hard issues. Things I feel helpless to fix or change. And I am a fixer. I feel pretty much helpless if I can’t fix it.
Add to that four months of lay-offs at Hubby’s company and him actually surviving over 500 cuts, needless to say it has been a stressful couple of months and weeks. Yes, over 500 people fired. My Hubby is one of twelve left standing. How does that feel? Honestly, crappy. Because you see him feel guilty and yes, very overworked, but in the midst of all of those emotions you are supposed to feel thankful and blessed, even if it means being happy that they guy that was with the company thirty years was sent home with no warning. And even Hubby still doesn’t feel safe. They sent him home with new a re-up for his insurance and benefits Friday. I am taking solace in that.
And people once again have reminded me just how mean and hurtful they can be. I am the type of person that will worry to death if one single person in all of this earth is unhappy with me, even if it is their fault. I am working on it. I am being worked on. And I will be a better person for all of it.
So, thank you my friends. I am still here.