Why Becoming a Vegetarian Might Kill Me

August 19, 2008 at 7:05 pm | Posted in Life | 33 Comments
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I really hate to even say that I am attempting to become a vegetarian. I know that once I say that I will have the overwhelming urge for chicken wings and I will fall into failure and dismay all of my fellow vegetarian friends. But on the advice of one of them who gave me some very fabulous resources, I have now drastically reduced the amount of meat I am eating. It is a start right?? I am having some major trouble with the seafood though. Crab and salmon in my sushi is a must, and I fear I will never truly be a vegetarian.

However, in my quest to cut out some meat, I along with hubby have also made the transition to soy milk, and the next step is to give up cheese. Let’s not hold our breathe people. I love my cheese, even though it does not always love me. But that is for another time.

Now on to why vegetarianism is killing me. Tonight I came home and was in the process of making a fantastic salad. I went to my refrigerator to retrieve my essentials: lettuce, cucumbers, peppers, onions, and the one that almost did me in-the tomatoes. I know what you are thinking. No, I am not in the throws of a very tardy bout of salmonella. I am not nauseous and wishing a quick and sudden death due to the horrible and yes, now non-existent outbreak.

When I tell you this I am being dead serious. The tomatoes hurt me. There that is it. I am so embarrassed. It is like the vegetables are seeking revenge on me for eating more of them in my quest to save a few animals.

Welcome to the ridiculousness I call my life.

As I opened my veggie drawer in my refrigerator, I suddenly hear the loudest pop ever. Kind of like the sound you hear when a gun fires you pop a can of biscuits, except this one happened right in front of my left eye. The plastic container which held my beautiful ready-chopped tomatoes from Publix my local store had somehow taken in so much air that once I opened the drawer and the pressure changed it became like a soda bottle shaken too much and the lid popped of. I am not going to lie, I almost peed on myself from the sudden noise. Then I realized that I had this horrible burning sensation in my eye. As I tried to make it to the sink to perform the emergency eye irrigation, I was so panicked because I thought I was blinded for life that I stubbed my toe on the island in my kitchen and lo and behold I had two injuries.

I. Kid. You. Not.

Do you know how hard it is to try to bandage a hurt toe with one eye? Let’s just say it’s not easy.

I will never look at Veggie Tales the same. They are out to get me.

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  1. Aww, Tipp! I had NO idea tomatoes could do such a thing. Over the years, I have reduced the amount of meat I eat, but I don’t think I could ever really become a vegetarian completely because of my love for a good steak and all things seafood. I am proud of you and everyone else who is making it work!

  2. and i almost peed myself reading this. it definitely sounds painful….but very funny. =)

  3. I seriously have never heard about that happening to anyone!!!!!!!! Hope your eye and your foot feel better! =)

  4. hahaha. ok i know im not supposed to be laughing at this. but it’s kinda hilarious!

    but keep trying with the vegetarian thing and if your feeling spicy try being vegan too!

  5. I have been a vegetarian since last November. It’s really hard for me, as I don’t much like animals and love meat. I thought it would be healthier, and I’ve stuck with it. But every time I see lemon pepper chicken, sloppy joes, or a Whopper? I want to cry.

  6. OMW! 🙂 They do seem to have it in for you Tipp. Watch your back arounf carrots. I hear they’re quite malicious. 😉

  7. Bwhahahaha!

    NO. WAY.

    Oh my goodness, Tipp – that is just too freaking hilarious. I’m just imagining Bob the Tomato like attacking you: “Go for the eye!!”

    🙂 But, good for you! Really, you rock. (And cheese? I love cheese. I’m impressing Alexa gave it up and I’m impressed you’re trying! I don’t eat THAT much, but I sure love it!)

    xoxo.

  8. I’ve been slowly cutting out the amount of meat I eat, too. I’m down to meat only once or twice a week. Veggies aren’t out to kill me, though, so you best take cover. That, or avoid going to Spain for the Tomato Fighting Festival. I have a feeling you might get seriously injured.

  9. I could never give up cheese. I’m lactose intolerant and not even that will stop me from eating it.

    Good luck with your endeavors! I totally lack the will power to become a vegetarian.

  10. Haha! You poor thing.
    I give you a lot of credit for trying out vegetarianism… I don’t think I can do it.

  11. Maybe I’m confused. But, I associate no dairy (as in no milk or milk products) with veganism, not vegetarianism. School me, please!

    Having said that, I don’t think I’ll ever give up the beef. However, my fiance and I made the switch to soy milk months ago for health reasons.

  12. Watch out for that killer tomato. It’s so killer they made a movie about it.

    I’ve been a vegetarian for 13 years. The only thing I really ever crave is chicken nuggets, but there is an amazing chicken subsitute out there on the market, it’s Chik’n or something like that, made by Quorn. Take 2 minutes to microwave and makes a kick butt fake chicken parm.

  13. This is hilarious! All of us vegans/vegetarians should have warned you about the deadly tomatoes, but I guess it was one of those secrets that we were keeping to ourselves 🙂

    Consider yourself properly initiated into our “club!”

    Anyway, good luck with the transition to vegetarianism – it’s not necessarily easy, but it’s absolutely worth it (& completely delicious), I promise!

  14. Tipp – trust me when I say I am laughing with you and not at you…oh gosh That is just too much! Seriously, though, I do hope that you’re ok. That’s what you get for trying to be a vegetarian 😉 LOL j/k

    ~Teri

  15. holy crap thats funny!!!

    i’ve tried going veggie – but i fall back into eating meat!!!

  16. Wow, I have never heard of that happening! Too weird…

  17. yay for veggies! I say take it one day at a time. That is what i do. I am the best Vegan I can be right now. I would opt for rice, oat, ot hemp milke before soy. I love them ALL!

  18. You are too funny. I think you ought to give up on vegetarianism for many reasons. We all can see it is hazardous to your health. =) But also, God says all food is okay by him. Here’s the verse: ~ Acts 10:9-16 ~

    About noon the following day as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the roof to pray. He became hungry and wanted something to eat, and while the meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. He saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. It contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air. Then a voice told him, “Get up, Peter. Kill and eat.”

    “Surely not, Lord!” Peter replied. “I have never eaten anything impure or unclean.”

    The voice spoke to him a second time, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.”

    This happened three times, and immediately the sheet was taken back to heaven.

    This passage was more about Gentiles being able to become Christians as well as Jews, but it refers to food as well. =) Happy eating!

  19. I too have been to the “Vegatarian Mountain” and back of course. For a solid three years I went sans-meat of any kind, no cheese or eggs. It made me ill. Humans, I have concluded are meant to eat meat, meat of all types and kinds from a variety of different creatures, vegatables, dairy and grains as well. Today I am much healthier at 63 as an all food consumming human than I have ever been. Of course I’ve never smoked or used any amount of alcohol and I excercise six plus miles per day. To set the record straight, eating meat does not cause global warming, the sun begins that process everyday at sunrise.

  20. Don’t give up. I have been being a vegetarian for years and still alive…… Thank’s God.

  21. what is your motivation? why you want to be a vegetarian? i dont think it is good to piling up obsession for meat.

    If you want it, eat it. Eat it all until you fed up. Until your body rejects it 😛

    I’m quite vegetarian, no meat, no eggs. only milk that i take from the animals.

  22. It took me a year to become a vegetarian. And that was *thinks* er…13 years ago! I can say – hand on heart – that it is the best decision I have ever made. I’m not a vegan but I do drink soy milk, and the only cheese I eat is animal rennet free. Good luck!

  23. PS – I forgot to tell you the reason I became a vegetarian…I decided that nothing should have to be born, live a miserable life and die a miserable death just so I could eat it. And every time it got hard, I remembered that…and backed away from the meat.

  24. yeah, i was a vegitarian, but i couldnt do it. i started getting sick because i wasnt eating right. so i had to go back to eating meat.
    haha about the veggie tales.

  25. I’m a vegetarian and I have also been attacked by the plastic container that the tomatos came in…it only smacked me in the nose but i do feel your pain…do yourself a favor and subscribe to Vegetarian Times magazine, either online or by snail mail….it’s really good. Thanks for the laugh…

  26. omg this is too funny, sometimes I wish I was a vegeterian, it sounds so interesting “hi, I’m Carmen, and I’m a vegetarian” haha except I love red bloody meat waaay too much.. 😦

  27. I’ve got something like cognitive dissonance with vegetarianism, except that it doesn’t bother me.
    I think it’s the packages that are out to get you. It’s a sign that you should grow your own!

  28. I met a friend in Bible study who was a vegetarian for years and then she discovered that if she ate meat her migraines were greatly lessened.

  29. oh wow… your vegetables are trying to kill you! I’m not sure I could go w/o chicken, but I think I could give up red meat. I couldn’t live w/o my sushi either!

  30. I have never heard of that happening but it would have scared the shit out of me too. Holy cow. I love dead animal, can’t give that up 🙂

  31. hmm..i like this post..will someone teach me how to be a vegetarian rightly? I mean i barely eat meat because i dont like beef or any 4 legged animal products..but i like chicken and seafood.
    how can i give it up?

  32. I LOVE soy milk. I’ve been considering cutting out red meat. But going all the way into vegetarianism…? I’d last less than a week!

  33. This just is not your year for injuries, is it? Hope you’re healing quickly!

    It sounds to me like you’re skipping vegetarian and going straight to Vegan. There’s a range of vegetarianism, really. I’m mostly vegetarian, and I eat cheese, milk, fish, etc. For my part, the key is not to give it all up completely, but to enjoy it in lesser quantities. Protein’s still a good thing. Smile!


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