Update from the Cul-de-sac and Other Questions

May 7, 2008 at 9:34 pm | Posted in Family, Thoughts | 25 Comments

This just in people:

The mean neighbor mom next door waved at me today. Yes, after many many attempts to be friendly and open up the “love thy neighbor” door to her heart, the ice may have cracked.

Today as I was driving away and up by her house I again waved and flashed a smile that said, “I am slightly afraid of the child eyeing me from the driveway, but I still would like to be neighborly.”

And. She. Waved. Back.

Pick me up off of my steering wheel. I am sure I momentarily lost control of the wheel as I tried to regain my composure.


Her Hubby has not yet mowed the grass and my Hubby mowed ours yesterday.

Maybe we are making progress!


Maybe they are reading my blog, OH NO! Maybe they have hacked into my wireless and now have direct feed into my writings.

The Horrors! Things have been relatively quiet around here. Hmm.

Which leads me to something I have been muddling over. Muddling is serious business you know.

After reading Ashley’s post about her Mother-In-Law asking for access to her blog (DO NOT DO IT) it got me to thinking.

How do you decide who to give out your IP address to? For me, I have many real life followers as well as bloggy friends. I have family and friends who read on a regular basis.

It can be hard to decide who to let in your world. No one from my former job ever knew about my blogging, (no Dooce for me thank you very much) except one who is a friend, and a person I would trust my unborn child with, so I gave her my IP because her daughter was thinking of marrying a guy going into the Army. And you all know I have an opinion on that!

Anyway, while it is a great way to keep people updated on the happenings of my day to day, I also find times where I wish I could go back to the anonymous status. There are things I would like to say on a daily basis, but for fear of hurting feelings or misrepresenting a situation, I hold back.

My Mom now also begins every single conversation we have with, “I don’t want to read about this on the blog” and let’s be real, my Mom is very entertaining, but I try to respect her privacy.

My Mom’s cat even sent me an email the other day stating she had an issue with something I said about not being a cat person. Seriously.

Love you Mommy, sorry you are again the example, but there are many more!

There are also things swirling around in my head that I need to get off my chest, but again out of respect  for the people I love and others I don’t, I hold back.

And it is starting to get to me.

This is not the reason I began blogging. I don’t want to feel censored or judged or unable to fully express my true thoughts. I think you guys could give such good feedback on so many things I think and ponder. There are people I am well aware who read my blog that I need to talk about. Not family, just others. Other situations, other problems, other stuff.

Mrs. Lilac and I were talking about the importance of anonymous blogging the other night after a disturbing incident amongst her blogging world.

So, I am thinking of starting another anonymous blog. So here are my questions:

  1. 1. Do any of you maintain two different blogs? One for real life and one for outlet purposes? Is this a good idea?
  2. 2. How do you decide who you divulge your IP to?
  3. 3. For those of you have had to make the switch entirely, how did you cover your tracks and avoid the trackbacks and pings?


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  1. Oh man, this is definitely something I’ve struggled with. When I first started out, I was really paranoid about being fully anonymous and making sure nobody ever found out who I was. Ever. Because I totally agree, sometimes you just want to say everything that’s on your mind and get feedback and not be judged by those you need to see in your day to day life. Which is why I’ve stayed relatively anonymous. I say relatively because some of the people I’ve met through here have become facebook friends & such and people I plan to eventually meet, which means, obviously, they’d need to know my real name and who I actually am. When it comes to people I already have in my life? I consider this blog my little secret. My family knows I have one, they’ll never know the address. R knows I have it and reads it from time to time, but that doesn’t bother me. Other than that, my lips are sealed. It helps with keeping it a full on outlet.

  2. That’s ridiculously long. Whoops 😉

  3. Ooooh. This is a hard one. Only J knows I have one, and he NEVER reads it so basically I’m covered. The thing is I don’t really write BAD things about my loved ones but yes, I do vent sometimes. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them but 99% of the time they’d over react and I just know it. So when I actually had to think about it I decided against it.
    My blog is my personal space and everyone needs a place like that.

    I only have one blog, but two isn’t a bad idea. Let us know what you decide to do ’cause…I want in!! lol 🙂 Good luck!

  4. I just switched and it’s hard to cover my tracks. I just didn’t link one blog to the other. I made everyone email me.

    As far as who I give my address to… NO ONE. I gave my old address to one friend, but then I was sorry I couldn’t write about her anymore (omg, I’m obviously too mean! lol)

  5. Oh boy! I mean girl, where do I begin? My family does not know about my blog. I mentioned it to my sister once but she really doesn’t follow blogs and we talk on the phone constantly she didn’t ask for my site. HOWEVER, the ex knew about my blog and this was a MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR problem! After we broke up he was reading it and lying to me about it. So I finally made my previous blog private and then just posted my new blog on my old one so that way I wouldn’t have to have my blog private. It was absolutely awful…I didn’t feel like I oculd write what I was going through because he was reading it. I didn’t want to let him in my world when he caused me so much pain. So, yes, I’ve had a previous blog that I had to shutdown and start a new one.

    BTW, if you do start a new one…I want to follow you!

  6. I don’t have to really worry about that…I don’t have any “real life” friends that read my blog…I don’t give any of them my information, because I don’t want to have to deal with any of that and deal with the questions. I would rather just be able to do my own thing and not have the questions from my friends and / or family.

  7. Sigh.
    As you know, this is definitely something I struggle with. Just for a brief history of my blogging – I started a blog for friends and family while doing a study “abroad” in Hawaii in 2005. I kept it up off and on, but my boyfriend/fiance/now husband didn’t like how I’d share my feelings and emotions with the whole world. I dunno, I guess he felt they were private and I didn’t need to broadcast them?
    So I stopped. And secretly started again without telling him. (the things I do to avoid arguments, right?) And now that I have a little environmental theme going, he fully supports my new(er) blog.
    I never told my family/friends when I restarted blogging or when I started a new blog. One of my college roommates reads it (we both blog) but that’s all (I think…)
    There’s stuff I would love to talk about, but that would require my husband not reading my blog either… 🙂 Because it’d be in-laws and/or him. So I figure I’ll just keep it family-friendly and maybe share it with some friends.

    But totally NOT MY MOTHER IN LAW. Don’t worry. (Even though I feel kinda mean because I think she was trying to “connect” with me. haha)

  8. I wish I could go back and not give my family my blog address. There are so many times when I just want to talk about my sex life of bitch about how stupid someone in my family is! Bah! That being said, I kind of enjoy that my family is able to stay up to date with my incoherent thoughts 🙂

  9. As you know, I had to put a disclaimer on my site because a family member was horribly upset about some things I blog about. I’ve been thinking of starting an anonymous one too so I can be free with my opinions but don’t know if I can maintain two blogs. Don’t give it out to family. Fortunately few of mine use the internet, but I still got caught.

  10. Funny about your neighbors.

    As far as people reading my site, my boyfriend, roommate and best friend have the address. My parents, fam and a good majority of my friends have no idea about it, and I like that. One day, I would love for more people to know about it, though. But there is something to be said for complete privacy to it, too..

  11. I also have VERY unfriendly neighbors … once, when she made a friendly gesture, I was JUST as floored as you were.

    #2 … my husband and mother know I have a blog. But they don’t read it. Only one of my friends knows about it, because I met her online. Otherwise, it really isn’t too hard to find me, but no one seems to have … yet. I don’t know what I’ll do when that day comes. On the one hand, I want to be able to talk about whatever I want. OTOH, I don’t want to hurt anyone. Haven’t censored myself yet and hope to never.

  12. well i switched to a new blog with fewer personal friends with the knowledge of it. So far I cannot atest to the fact it is completely safe. I’m a bit of an idiot that I didn’t completely cover my tracks (ie changing my blog name completely, my avatar, my code names for persons/situations etc). BUT according to statcounter the one person I’m really trying to hide this from I dont believe has found it. I’ve actually considered a new (and final) move to another blog where I can divulge EVERYTHING I want with reckless abandon. BUT the few’ish regular readers I have… I am doubting they would follow me AGAIN. so…idk. However I did make sure my blog is not searchable via any search engines- including key words from my blog. The only thing that scares me is blogrolls that link my new address. Oh well! Basically I wish I were more anonymous than I think I am, though I have a feel I’m really not allll that anonymous even though I’ve never displayed my own pic or anything from my life that I’ve taken myself. God, now I want a new blog. lol. But my recommendation- go ahead and get a new blog. But only if you email me the new addy! 😉

  13. There’s no way I’d maintain two different blogs. If I ever felt the need to go anonymous, I’d bring the whole darn thing into anonymity. I’d think it’d be too confusing otherwise.

    I have yet to tell anyone at work, mostly because I’m not really friends with anyone at work. But, I’m game with sharing it with friends and family. I’m a pretty open person with strong (real life) opinions. There’s nothing I’d say on my blog that I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying in real life. I know of too many people who have been discovered by people they didn’t want reading the blog … and that’s unfair to everyone involved.

    Good luck with the decision!

  14. I always think about starting an anonymous blog but I don’t know if I’d be able to keep both up. So instead I write posts I think my husband/real life friends would be upset by and keep them private. I don’t get the feedback but at least I’ve written it out. Another option is for the posts you don’t want certain people to read, you can password protect. Good luck! 🙂

    PS I’d like the new address if you decide to go anonymous

  15. Just as everyone else has said, this is a tough one. I know I wouldn’t have the energy to maintain two personal blogs. Sometimes it’s hard enough with one! I only give out my URL to people that I trust to read it and I don’t think would be hurt by it, but I also realize that because I’m not anonymous and because my blog is getting a bit more popular, I still have to watch what I say because people are starting to find me. I do miss the days when I could say whatever I wanted, but then I suppose that’s not very realistic anyway. I mean, it’s not like I go around in life saying whatever I want whenever I want, so maybe it’s good for me to remember to not say anything if I don’t have anything nice to say!!

  16. I have pretty much given out my URL to everyone I know, haha. It’s posted on my Facebook and hell my mom put it in our family Christmas card. So I don’t really care who reads what I write. Sure I censor myself a little bit, but otherwise I’m a pretty open person to begin with. So anything I want to write, I usually do, and it works well for me.

  17. 1. I have a second blog, but it’s just an electronic diet journal. All I write about in it is what I eat and how much weight I’ve lost and whether I’m feeling motivated. I would never keep an anonymous blog because not being anonymous is a good reality check for me about what is and is not okay for me to say about other people in public.
    2. My blog address is public knowledge. It’s on my Facebook profile and my whole family knows about it. My standard is to assume that whomever I am writing about could be reading it. That way I never worry about pissing someone off. The exception to this is my future parents in law, who don’t speak English.

  18. 1. I am totally cracking up at all the neighbor-reports!

    2. I don’t really know– I know that I have very little that’s new to say about this, as far as being careful about who gets the URL and whatnot. Personally, I know that my blog is accessible through 20sb (which turned out to be an amazing way to have new readers, as well as “meet” other bloggers that I can totally relate to!) and to whoever can see the “website” listing on Facebook. I have had my doubts about making it available on FB, just because I am “friends” with one of my bosses on it, but she is on a limited profile so I don’t worry about it too much. Just yesterday, someone else from work mentioned that she had read my blog, and the only comment she made was a really sweet one about my writing style. Really, there is little that I would say on the blog that I don’t feel that I could say (or at least defend/back up) if confronted about it in person, so I don’t mind the non-anonymous blogging. Oh, and as for family? I’m not sure my parents even know what a blog is (hello, my dad still has dial-up!).

    As for maintaining two blogs, or switching to anonymous blogging…well, if you are up to keeping up multiple blogs, go for it. And if you feel like going anonymous is ultimately what will be a better outlet for you, you should do that. (But make sure to let me know what your new address is!)

  19. I recently put my blog address on my facebook profile and had a mini heart attack afterwards because I wasn’t really sure I wanted friends and family reading it. Even though I don’t ever really write anything I’d be embarrassed for them to see, but it’s just nice having that anonymity. But I don’t think I’d ever start a new blog – I’m too lazy. Actually, I might if I wanted to keep it a secret from my boyfriend because he Hates my blog, but I can’t keep secrets from him anyways so it would just be a waste of time.

  20. Ooh! I have LOTS of thought on this! I’ll e-mail you.

  21. I was just working on a blog post about the same thing. I gave everyone my IP!

  22. I totally know what you mean about the anon blog. I guess you could say I am semi-anon, but both people I personally know and people I don’t know read it. And with this knowledge, I don’t blog about nearly anything that I REALLY want to. I don’t think I could keep up with 2 blogs, and even if it’s anon, there is always a slight possibility of it being found out.

  23. I have 2 blogs, one non-anonymous, and this one, which is where I write everything that I don’t want ppl in my ‘real life’ to read. It actually gets a little hectic having two blogs, but so far I’ve been doing pretty well! Only 2 people in my real life know about this blog, a colleague, and my BFF. I mostly write about money, career, and boys/relationships here, mostly cause those are more sensitive topics.

    I’ve only given the other URL out to a handful of friends (I’m definitely NOT gonna stick it on facebook – I like to have an idea of who is reading, even if my friends never comment!) when it’s come up in conversation. I think when I leave HK and move to NYC I’ll be giving it out to more ppl so that they have a way of keeping up with me if they want to.

    I think you should start an anonymous one – there are definitely advantages to having it!! If you have any other questions feel free to email me! (clueless20something [at] gmail [dot] com)


  24. I’ve kicked around starting an anonymous blog just for my juicy stories and rants about people that read my regular blog. In fact, I’d kinda like to do a group blog like this… any interest?

  25. Some people I know (Nes and Maree) know I blog but they don’t really care because that’s not their thing. Other than that, no one knows I do. I would never give it out anyway. My first blog I had on MSN Spaces was knowledge due to the fact I had it as a signature in my emails. God. Why I did that I don’t know, but my father started to read it and I—forgot. He once read that I went to my boyfriends house the night before (first blow he didn’t like) and stayed the night and that we didn’t get to bed until about 3am. Yeah, he picked up on that hint and never read again–lol. I think my dad thought I was innocent at the age of 26. Yeah, nope, not anymore papa.

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