Tales From the Cul-de-Sac

April 9, 2008 at 8:10 pm | Posted in Random Thoughts | 17 Comments

The hilarious antics that are witnessed in my neighborhood on a weekly basis is just to good to keep to myself and Hubby for our own entertainment. So, for you my friends I am going to let you in on my little world on the cul-de-sac, in all its entirety and hilarity.

To begin this first enstallment here is the cast of characters:

  • Our neighbors to the right or the ten o’clock family on the cul-de-sac is Jan and Linda. J & L are life partners who have devoted their lives to fostering troubled adolescent boys. About a year ago they adopted one of the young boys they were fostering and have since stopped fostering to devote all of their time to being full-time Moms to this one young boy, who we will call B. He is the sweetest and kindest kid you will ever meet. He has overcome a horrific past and even though he is very introverted and shy, he is the best with Lily and Ellie and brings their dog, Jack, over to play on a regular basis.
  • The family on the three o’clock slot is Peg and Jay. They are animal lovers and take in foster dogs who are in danger of being euthanized from high-kill shelters. They have four of their own dogs and usually two to three fosters at any given time. Peg and Jay have, I think, three kids. Sometimes it is hard to tell with the amount of people in and out of their home, they are the “cool parents” to their college-aged kids and they have a ton of people over all the time. Jay is the kind of guy who wears his boxers to walk his seven dogs and somehow has convinced himself that we, the other neighbors, don’t realize he is in his boxers. All the while he is smoking a cigar – always. Their home sits on approximately one acre of land. To mow his yard he uses a mid-size farm worthy John Deere tractor, it takes him all of three minutes to accomplish the mowing and a good forty-five to un-load/load the thing from the trailer and return it to his son across town. I do not see the need in that.
  • Our neighbors to our left or at seven o’clock on the cul-de-sac is the, well, I don’t know what their names are because they never speak to anyone, ever. This family is a family with a husband, a wife, and two young boys. That is about all I know except for the fact that they yell, all the time. Everyday. The two little boys are, I am convinced, serial killers in training. The day I caught them trying to coax Ellie into walking into the electric fence to see her get shocked was the day I became afraid for my dog’s safety. While scary, they are also quite comical. The dad gets up early on Saturday mornings to don his two leaf blowers and blow his leaves across his grass and onto ours. He does have a third leaf blower which he straps to serial killer-in-training #2, all the while screaming at him to get moving. The only time said family ever speaks to us is when they come to the door on Halloween pretending to be the typical American normal family. None of us are fooled.
  • The last family to make up our little family is, well, again, I have no idea what their names are. They are an older couple who live across the street and we never see them. When we moved here they put a cake on our front stoop. They signed it “the neighbors across the street,” therefore, we have no idea who they are. The Cake was a sweet gesture. The foot long cat whisker I pulled out of it did not say “welcome to the neighborhood” in my language. They have a front lawn that consists entirely of gravel and huge trees, so they do not even come out to mow their yard. I never see them get the mail, they come and go at precisely the same time every day and they go in their garage and close the door, never speaking to anyone. I think they are up to some shaddy business. It is just a feeling.

So, tonight I come home and serial killers in training 1 & 2 are scaling the fence of their other adjoining neighbor. I watch wondering what they could be doing. I know for a fact that they do not have a relationship with said neighbors, they literally do not talk to anyone, apparently they are too exhausted from screaming all day to talk to anyone else. I don’t want to gawk, at least where the Mom can see me, so I go through my house and onto my back deck to allow myself to see the boys without the Mom seeing me. Hey, if there is a police report that needs to be filed I am going to take these little delinquents boys down. I watch as the mother is screaming at them to come back over the fence and Serial Killer in training # 2 gets stuck on the top of the fence. The dad, sans leaf-blower, comes out to take his son off of his perch just in time to see me gawking. He says loudly, (of course) “get in the house – NOW.”

They are so up to something, but now I look like the weirdo watching their every move.

Great. I would be concerned about being pegged the neighborhood snoop, but hey, they aren’t talking to anyone, so I am good.

Stay tuned. Those little crazies are up to something and I will find out what it is!

Ed. note: All WordPress users do a hallelujah that the spell-check is in fact back and working!



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  1. Thank god for the spell check! And next time I am at your house I have got to see these freaks!

  2. that is wicked creeptacular. watch out for those folks…

  3. Hilarious! Our neighbors aren’t nearly that entertaining.

    The cake-wielding people across the street are definitely housing a meth lab. Maybe a major pot-growing operation, but for now my vote is meth lab.

    (And keep an eye on your dogs.)

  4. omgosh i am dying of laughter right now at serial killer 1 and 2!!!! seriously hysterical!!

    i cant wait for more tales 😉

  5. The suspense is killing me! What were the delinquents doing?

  6. Ha! This was such a great post! Thanks for the much needed laugh!! Now I’m dying to know what they’re up to. I vote meth lab too!

  7. So funny! It sucks to have such strange neighbors, I’m sure. I don’t know any of my neighbors in my apartment complex. And I’m a little nervous about G’s house…I wonder what the neighbor’s will be like there.

  8. Was he yelling at YOU to get back in the house? Rude!

  9. That’s awesome. You’re like the neighborhood granny. Haha.

  10. Haha – it sounds like you somehow ended up in the Tom Hanks movie the Burbs.

  11. wow that is crazy. can’t wait to hear what bizarre things happen next, haha.

  12. Love this.

    Just think when serial killers 1 & 2 get going, you can be that neighbour that says, I knew it, and go on all the television shows talking about them.

    I don’t talk to my neighbours ever. Ooops.

  13. That is sooo crazy and funny.. LOL… I can’t wait to get some updates and learn more… Seems very interesting on your block!

  14. Haha. I wish I still lived in a neighborhood where I knew my neighbors. I know one of them here and wouldn’t feel OK about going next door to ask for a cup of sugar or something.

    Funny about serial killers 1 and 2. I hate when people are reclusive and don’t interact… Your cul-de-sac sounds like an interesting place..

  15. I never like houses that have gravel and bushes instead of grass. It just doesn’t look good in my opinion. But I love your descriptions about your neighbors! Maybe I’ll do one…

  16. Oh I love to people watch. Since I live in an apartment complex I see all kinds of people!!

  17. […] April 30, 2008 at 8:49 pm | In Thoughts | Tags: Life So the last time you all got a peek at my neighborhood, you met all the eclectic characters that will surely keep us all entertained. The antics in this […]

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