Good Advice

December 6, 2007 at 5:52 pm | Posted in Advice | Leave a comment

I have a friend at work and I call her “my work Momma”. She is such a great resource on life, love, relationships, survival, etc., etc., etc. She is a creative soul with a mind that sees only beauty in the world around her, even in the midst of personal struggle and tragedy. That is such an amazing quality to have. For me, I tend to get bogged down when I feel unappreciated, unsatisfied, or just plain low. I feel it physically, mentally, and emotionally like I guess most people do. She says because I am a cancer that I feel it in my heart and it is true (ulcers anyone?) Did I mention she is very much a spiritual person who holds great value in the universe? It is such an interesting blend of thoughts.

Anyway, she is my eye of the hurricane at work. Yesterday, we were having a random conversation and I was telling her about a situation where I was feeling quite put aside and hurt and I didn’t feel like someone was taking my best to heart with a decision they were making. She said the most simple but yet profound thing. It was like Kindergarten logic, but it was exactly what I needed to hear at the time. It all goes back to having faith like a child and the eyes of a child. Sometimes the simplest things that are said or done make the most sense. In a nutshell she said, “Stephanie, you cannot change other people or how they treat you. You can change your reaction to those people and draw better boundaries. If people are draining you, not appreciating you, or making you angry, tell them. We cannot expect people to figure out your mind. Other people are too busy trying to figure themselves out. It hurts when it is the people you feel should know that you are in a place where you need help, but people are not that mindful. It is sad, but true.”

Hmm, other people are too busy trying to figure themselves out. So true, but I guess as a person who would jump over the moon if someone I loved asked me to, it makes me wonder where I rank in people’s books and on their agenda. It hurts to think that sometimes you give and you give and people don’t appreciate it, notice it, and when the time comes for you to ask for help or you have a need they do not reciprocate that behavior. I have to keep telling myself, “You cannot change their behavior, but only my own behavior and how I put myself into that relationship in the future.”

It is so simple but exactly what I needed to hear at the time.


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